This post is not about climbing. This post is about learning things through life experiences,
and just as importantly, through the people that you meet. It is a reminder to each and every one
of us that life is a gift. A
fragile gift that should be treated with care, because after all, it’s a gift
that we only receive once. Today marks two years since I lost my best
friend. For many of you reading,
you know this. You know this and
you feel the same empty space in your life, because Tim was your friend
too.
The beauty that Tim brought to my life is something to be
reflected upon and cherished every day, and that is indeed something that I try
to do. But during this week, from
his birthday (and our anniversary while we were dating) on April 29, to today,
May 5, my thoughts revolve more constantly around him. Through those thoughts I have gained
some insights, and I feel that insights are usually best shared.
If there is one lesson that we all took from Tim, it was to
love unconditionally (that, and to live a joyful life… I guess that’s two
lessons). What does that really
mean, and how do we incorporate that into our lives? Does it mean going around saying, “I love you” to everyone,
or doing random acts of kindness, or hugging trees? Not necessarily.
I think to Tim it meant knowing that everyone is deserving of our
attention and our interest and our time, all the time. And that literally means EVERYONE, ALL
THE TIME. This isn’t one of those things that has exceptions, where it’s everyone except
that creepy homeless dude, or that weird looking smelly girl, or that annoying
guy that complains too much. It’s
not all the time except on those
days when I’m too busy, or I’m stressed, or I have other things going on. It is EVERYONE, ALL THE TIME.
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| Even fake people need friends :) |
I think the reason that Tim touched so many people is that
he took the time to ask how they were, and to take genuine interest in their
lives. This could clearly be seen
when he was working at the gym. He
talked to everyone, and not because it was his job, but because he really
cared. The shy, quiet people that
others might look over. The
boisterous, cocky people that might be intimidating. The little kids in their full body harnesses. The older people with their stories
about climbing in the old days.
The moms, the dads, the weightlifters, the yogis, the gumbys, the
seasonsed veterans. I think one of
the other things that made Tim so approachable is that he really believed that
no one was better than anyone else.
He was never condescending, never conceited or arrogant. He took the time to make people feel
appreciated, welcomed, special.
I’ll admit, I struggle to do these things often. I sometimes think I’m above other
people. Maybe that I’m more
educated, maybe that I’m better at the particular task that we’re doing, maybe
that I’m more deserving of something for some reason. All false senses of superiority that are irrelevant in the
grand scheme of things. Often I
think about how busy I am, and how I barely have time to do the things that I
need for myself, let alone give time to others. And I can be mean.
I can get angry and frustrated by people, and silly things bother me and
send me into a frenzy. When these
things happen, I need to remember Tim.
To remember that we are all human beings, we are all special in our own
way, and at the end of the day, all we have is each other and the experiences
we create together in this world. I need to remember that a little love
can go a long way, a little kindness can change someone’s day from bad to
good. Everyone is going through
their own battle in life, and the least we can do is try to make those battles
easier by showing each other compassion.
Everyone. All the time.
Not everyone can be Tim. Not everyone has a smile or a laugh that can light up people’s
lives. Some of us are painfully
shy and even saying ‘hello’ to someone can be intimidating. But all of us are good at something. All of
us have a gift. Maybe we are kind,
caring and compassionate like Tim.
Maybe we are a writer.
Maybe we can tell funny jokes.
Maybe we are a teacher. We
could be a photographer, a dancer, a good listener, an excellent parent, or a
best friend. The important thing
is that you use your gifts.
Channel your passion into positive action. If you can impact one person’s life in a positive way, you
are honoring Tim’s memory. I think
we owe it to him to try.
I woke up today in Minneapolis, Minnesota. A place that holds no memories of Tim
for me. A place where no around me
knew him. A place where there is
no one to share the memories with.
A place where I have to get text messages from friends that say “I love
you” or “I’m thinking of you today” because they know that I am not thinking of
them, but of him, and because they care about me in the way that Tim cared about
everyone, so selflessly and so deeply.
I decided to try going to yoga to see if it could help me focus my
thoughts and my energy.
As they often do, the instructor told us to dedicate our
practice today to someone or something.
Of course, I chose Tim.
Yoga is a battle for me because I have a hard time focusing and staying
mindful, I get frustrated by my inflexibility and my mind wanders quickly. But each time my mind drifted I tried
to pull it back. Towards the end
of class you lie on the floor and relax every muscle in your body, close
your eyes and just exist there on the floor as a motionless being (my favorite part!).
Today, as I lay there I could feel the tears
welling up behind my closed eyes.
Every memory of Tim flashed before my eyes. I saw the first time we met. Our first kiss.
The day he told me he loved me, and how we skipped down the path we were
walking on, hand in hand, gleeful in our mutual revelation. The night he told me he had cystic
fibrosis. Our first climbing trip
to Tahoe. Our journey to Smith
Rock. Climbing in Thailand with
Hugo and Marie. Laying on the
beach, riding bikes, boogey boarding and sleeping in our hammocks in Costa
Rica. Laughing. His smile. All the events we attended together. Riding in the car together and singing
to the radio. Us at work, in our
green Planet Granite shirts, catching each other’s eyes across the gym and
smiling in pure, unabashed happiness.
And then I saw him there, lying next to me. It was just like it used to be, like it was hundreds of
times before. No need for speaking
or actions, just a deep, soulful look into each other’s eyes that said all the
words and feelings that were deep down in our hearts. My thoughts then shifted upward. Beyond the ceiling and beyond the sky to the place where I
imagine heaven to be. My eyes remained closed, and my mind kept
an image of Tim in front of me and my thoughts repeated, “I love, you, I love
you, I love you” over and over. I
wanted him to know it so bad. And
suddenly I felt the words reverberating back to me. I really can’t describe the feeling properly. The words “I love you,” and a deep,
almost tangible feeling of love passed back and forth between us, as I felt an
overwhelming sense of connection to him.
It was a feeling that I will never let go of, and a pure, unwavering love that I will try to
share with all those around me, because that’s what Tim would have wanted.
