Alternate Universe

I stared at the 3x5 card quizzically.  In theory, the process should have been easy.  Check a box, fill in a blank, and be on your merry way.  Yet, I was bewildered, flipping the card over and over in my hand looking for the “other” option. 

Cal Poly Graduate Status Survey

Tell us what you’re up to

__ Employed full time

            Employer _____________________

            Job Title ______________________

            Salary ________________________

__ Employed part time

            Employer _____________________

            Job Title ______________________

            Salary ________________________

__ Actively seeking employment

__ Grad school

            Name of institution _____________

            City, State ____________________

            Degree _______________________

I am none of those things.  I am an indentured servant intern, an unpaid one at that, and on July 20^th, when my internship ends, I have no idea what I’m going to do.  However, I’m pretty sure it will be along of the lines of climbing and adventuring, and not so much in the direction of employment. In fact, it hadn’t occurred to me until the moment I looked at the card, which was handed to me moments before my graduation, that maybe I should have been searching for a job.  The thought had literally not crossed my mind.  My peers buzzed around me, some of them starting jobs the following Monday, some had interviews lined up, and a couple fretted that they hadn’t landed something yet (some made me think that maybe there should have been a desperately seeking employment option).  I stared at the card for another second, took my pencil, unceremoniously scrawled “INTERN” over all the other options, and turned it in.  I was briefly worried that I should have a job lined up too, but quickly came to my senses.  What would I, a freshly minted graduate, who loves spontaneity, who can’t stay in one place for more than a few months at time, being doing with a job?  Let’s get real.

For real!

My amazing siblings :)

 As many of you know (if anyone actually reads this, especially when I’m not talking about climbing!), I have been interning with Wilderness Inquiry for the past two months.  I transplanted to Minneapolis on May 1.  It was literally like I got plucked from one life, and dropped into an entirely different and separate one.  Nothing about my ‘new’ life relates to my old one.  I don’t have my dogs.  I didn’t know anyone when I got here.  I don’t go rock climbing.  I’m supposed to be leading trips in boats.  Boats.  Who am I?  I feel like David in ‘David After Dentist’, the popular YouTube video of a young kid waking up from dental surgery asking, “is this real life?”  I feel like I’m living in an alternate universe.  Something about it feels so temporary, like after its over I will migrate back to the mountains and it will all be some surreal memory of that time I lived in the Midwest.  Did that really happen?  Did I spend the whole summer with Chums on my sunglasses so I wouldn’t lose them in the water? Do I own a 30 liter drybag?  This is not a bad thing, no not in the least.  It is more so an intriguing thing.  It makes me think about people living a certain way their whole life, being afraid of change, or just being too far into their comfort zone to ever get off the couch.  I hope this experience will remind me to never get stuck, to never settle, and to be in constant pursuit of the things I am passionate about.  Because this is real life.  And I can make it what I want.  I can get up and transplant, try something new, fail, succeed, learn and live and do.   (Except I need my dogs before I do anything else).  And that’s your piece of Lo Pat philosophy for the day!

Lake Superior

Speaking of transplanting, I actually just moved to Wisconsin (I told you I couldn’t stay in one place for long).  WI has a base camp on the shore of Lake Superior right by the Apostle Islands.  They run sea-kayaking trips from here, (Superior is way more like an ocean than a lake) and recently built a warehouse on the property and transferred up all the kayak gear from the warehouse in Minneapolis.  The next step was hiring a permanent staff member to manage the warehouse and base camp, and be the trip director for the Apostle Islands sea-kayaking trips.  After that happened, I was asked if I wanted to work at the base camp for the rest of the summer as well.  Hell yea!  I get to run around in the forest, chill on the shore of the lake, sleep in a tent every night, pee and poop in a composting toilet and cook my dinners on a Coleman stove, I have no cell phone service, but I have wifi, so really, what more could I want?  Although it sounds like all rainbows and butterflies, I have actually been working very hard since arriving here on Friday (think 12+ hour days that include lots of manual labor).  In the past 2 days I have watched three of our big tents that stay up all summer long spontaneously commit suicide, (think poles snapping and punching through tent fabric, tents collapsing, all sorts of fun stuff) which has resulted in me taking down, setting up and moving probably 1,237 tents.  For real.  Also I have wheelbarrowed around and spread enough woodchips to reconstitute forests across the state.  Seriously, so many woodchips. 

So, that’s what’s up with me.  What’s up with you?

Also, I'm going to take more pictures tomorrow and post them, I promise :)

Minnesota Nice

A family of geese 

Sculpture

Minneapolis

The famous Minneapolis sculpture

Riverboat on the Mississippi

Taking a break from kayaking on the shore of Lake Superior 

Emerging from the sea caves.  Apostle Islands National Lakeshore, WI

Skin

Goodbye good climbing skin, it was nice to have you around for awhile.  

A Bit of Minneapolis

Here are a few pictures I have taken in my first two weeks in Minneapolis (aside from the one's I put up in an earlier post).  They are mostly quite random, I'll work on getting more significant sites and things like that :)

A rainbow

A tree in the park across from the staff house

Clancy making faces on the slackline

Webbing

A table

A power pole 

A gargantuan moth

Our Voyageurs on Lake Calhoun

A sweet bike ride!  Also apparently a bike path that goes from Canada to the Gulf (sounds like a long ride!)

Minneahaha Falls

An old train station

The Mississippi

The Mill Museum

The tree of life at the May Day Festival

A band playing at May Day.  They have circular saws on metal drums, it made a very interesting noise

One of Heart of the Beasts' puppets

Bike love!

A Lesson in Love

This post is not about climbing.  This post is about learning things through life experiences, and just as importantly, through the people that you meet.  It is a reminder to each and every one of us that life is a gift.  A fragile gift that should be treated with care, because after all, it’s a gift that we only receive once. Today marks two years since I lost my best friend.  For many of you reading, you know this.  You know this and you feel the same empty space in your life, because Tim was your friend too. 

The beauty that Tim brought to my life is something to be reflected upon and cherished every day, and that is indeed something that I try to do.  But during this week, from his birthday (and our anniversary while we were dating) on April 29, to today, May 5, my thoughts revolve more constantly around him.  Through those thoughts I have gained some insights, and I feel that insights are usually best shared.

If there is one lesson that we all took from Tim, it was to love unconditionally (that, and to live a joyful life… I guess that’s two lessons).  What does that really mean, and how do we incorporate that into our lives?  Does it mean going around saying, “I love you” to everyone, or doing random acts of kindness, or hugging trees?  Not necessarily.  I think to Tim it meant knowing that everyone is deserving of our attention and our interest and our time, all the time.  And that literally means EVERYONE, ALL THE TIME.  This isn’t one of those things that has exceptions, where it’s everyone except that creepy homeless dude, or that weird looking smelly girl, or that annoying guy that complains too much.  It’s not all the time except on those days when I’m too busy, or I’m stressed, or I have other things going on.  It is EVERYONE, ALL THE TIME. 

Even fake people need friends :)

 I think the reason that Tim touched so many people is that he took the time to ask how they were, and to take genuine interest in their lives.  This could clearly be seen when he was working at the gym.  He talked to everyone, and not because it was his job, but because he really cared.  The shy, quiet people that others might look over.  The boisterous, cocky people that might be intimidating.  The little kids in their full body harnesses.  The older people with their stories about climbing in the old days.  The moms, the dads, the weightlifters, the yogis, the gumbys, the seasonsed veterans.  I think one of the other things that made Tim so approachable is that he really believed that no one was better than anyone else.  He was never condescending, never conceited or arrogant.  He took the time to make people feel appreciated, welcomed, special.    

I’ll admit, I struggle to do these things often.  I sometimes think I’m above other people.  Maybe that I’m more educated, maybe that I’m better at the particular task that we’re doing, maybe that I’m more deserving of something for some reason.  All false senses of superiority that are irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.  Often I think about how busy I am, and how I barely have time to do the things that I need for myself, let alone give time to others.  And I can be mean.  I can get angry and frustrated by people, and silly things bother me and send me into a frenzy.  When these things happen, I need to remember Tim.  To remember that we are all human beings, we are all special in our own way, and at the end of the day, all we have is each other and the experiences we create together in this world.  I need to remember that a little love can go a long way, a little kindness can change someone’s day from bad to good.  Everyone is going through their own battle in life, and the least we can do is try to make those battles easier by showing each other compassion.  Everyone.  All the time.  

Not everyone can be Tim.  Not everyone has a smile or a laugh that can light up people’s lives.  Some of us are painfully shy and even saying ‘hello’ to someone can be intimidating.  But all of us are good at something.  All of us have a gift.  Maybe we are kind, caring and compassionate like Tim.  Maybe we are a writer.  Maybe we can tell funny jokes.  Maybe we are a teacher.  We could be a photographer, a dancer, a good listener, an excellent parent, or a best friend.  The important thing is that you use your gifts.  Channel your passion into positive action.  If you can impact one person’s life in a positive way, you are honoring Tim’s memory.  I think we owe it to him to try.

I woke up today in Minneapolis, Minnesota.  A place that holds no memories of Tim for me.  A place where no around me knew him.  A place where there is no one to share the memories with.  A place where I have to get text messages from friends that say “I love you” or “I’m thinking of you today” because they know that I am not thinking of them, but of him, and because they care about me in the way that Tim cared about everyone, so selflessly and so deeply.  I decided to try going to yoga to see if it could help me focus my thoughts and my energy.

As they often do, the instructor told us to dedicate our practice today to someone or something.  Of course, I chose Tim.  Yoga is a battle for me because I have a hard time focusing and staying mindful, I get frustrated by my inflexibility and my mind wanders quickly.  But each time my mind drifted I tried to pull it back.  Towards the end of class you lie on the floor and relax every muscle in your body, close your eyes and just exist there on the floor as a motionless being (my favorite part!).          

           

Today, as I lay there I could feel the tears welling up behind my closed eyes.  Every memory of Tim flashed before my eyes.  I saw the first time we met.  Our first kiss.  The day he told me he loved me, and how we skipped down the path we were walking on, hand in hand, gleeful in our mutual revelation.  The night he told me he had cystic fibrosis.  Our first climbing trip to Tahoe.  Our journey to Smith Rock.  Climbing in Thailand with Hugo and Marie.  Laying on the beach, riding bikes, boogey boarding and sleeping in our hammocks in Costa Rica.  Laughing.  His smile.  All the events we attended together.  Riding in the car together and singing to the radio.  Us at work, in our green Planet Granite shirts, catching each other’s eyes across the gym and smiling in pure, unabashed happiness.  And then I saw him there, lying next to me.  It was just like it used to be, like it was hundreds of times before.  No need for speaking or actions, just a deep, soulful look into each other’s eyes that said all the words and feelings that were deep down in our hearts.  My thoughts then shifted upward.  Beyond the ceiling and beyond the sky to the place where I imagine heaven to be.  My eyes remained closed, and my mind kept an image of Tim in front of me and my thoughts repeated, “I love, you, I love you, I love you” over and over.  I wanted him to know it so bad.  And suddenly I felt the words reverberating back to me.  I really can’t describe the feeling properly.  The words “I love you,” and a deep, almost tangible feeling of love passed back and forth between us, as I felt an overwhelming sense of connection to him.  It was a feeling that I will never let go of, and a pure, unwavering love that I will try to share with all those around me, because that’s what Tim would have wanted.